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Caring for the Caregiver – Part 2

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Dr. Timothy Dauwalder: So thought words actions, and actions, just like thought is an action chemically form habits and those habits you can look at because they are manifested and you can say I am more healthy because of this habit or I’m not. And we all know how bad habits are extraordinarily difficult to change whether it’s smoking, not going to bed at the right time.

Now I comforted myself with my anticipatory grief by eating apple pie and a cup of coffee and that was a great decision. Now I don’t do that like every hour but it was a reasonable decision right now. So things do change momentarily to our decision tree but habits are split and im gonna get into it in a minute. And then I take it one step further from that philosophical statement which you read in philosophy books from 2500 years ago how the same concepts of things started as thoughts and then manifested into actions and then what I considered destiny.

Now a lot of people think that if a path is laid for them they have nothing to do and I’m not challenging your sense of spirituality but you are given choice whether we acknowledge that or not, to throw destiny to the wind is frivolity, we do have choices, we can make decisions that are respectful of ourselves and respectful of those we love. But just as Ashley said we cannot effect change if we are not healthy ourselves so the first thing is just ask yourself: are you happy? And most of the time we are not and that’s alright.

I’m a happy person but if any time of the day I stop and ask myself that, I stop and think, I don’t have time to really evaluate so I realized that I won’t have time to evaluate if I’m happy and that’s a problem because then all of a sudden I’ll get habits and then I’m 69 and I’m resentful over not living. So that’s not a good thing. So what I do every day is very simple, I’m kind of a ‘naturey’ guy. My developmental years and my thoughts were spent alone hiking whether it be at the Pacific Crest Trail of The John Muir Trail or Climbing The Rock or Traveling in the Southern Elps, I was alone on purpose, not because I was dangerous to others but because it was my vision crest right, so to speak.

I wanted to meet people that loved seeing them and I found when I was a late teen early twenties if I was in the wilderness I loved seeing people, “Hey how are you?” and I wouldn’t let them go, It was a great thing but it gave me the value of humanity through my loneliness and it was very good for me so I find that when I, and this is my path that I know that every day in between the deaths and life’s struggles that I see, I just left a family where I helped them through some problems.

I needed a break, so I have some places in the five remaining towns here, surrounding towns where I can park my car and I’m not telling you what kind of car I have, it might even be a truck, and there’s no mattress in the back and if there should be I take them out. But the reality is I find places to park, I have two or three awesome oak trees that I park by, I know I’m getting called; I know somebody needs me but if I don’t take that twelve minutes in my 12 or 15 associated parking spots then I’m gonna be useless for that next family.

And so I stop by that tree and there’s a couple of tree; I park in the Botanic Parking Lot or in the colleges behind somewhere. I park in a lot where I’m not supposed to but oh well. And I take that moment and I do that multiple times in a week and nearly every day and I try to evaluate was that situation I was just in healthy for me and was it hard for me? And if it was then I take an action to offer remedy and balance myself out from that experience because it’s extraordinarily labor intensive.

The second thing I do is I try to look forward to something. The future is nice right and I wouldn’t reveal them when everything is about the future, everything and it becomes different when you get older because most of it is about the past. So as we get older we realize we are more controlled by resentment than hope for the future. And when you are young sometimes you are too busy to worry about it and you are just pushing everyone out of the way and that’s okay but you get the point, where you are at in life means something.

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